"I don't want to dishonor my parents.".
I've thought this myself and have heard others share the same sentiment.
I'm sure many of your parents are like mine: wonderful people with great qualities, who have shown up in generous, loving ways.
It feels like I am blaming them or throwing them under the bus if I drag up things from the past.
My parents wouldn't claim to be perfect, so what's the point in looking at that stuff from the past? They did the best they could. They maybe even did better than their parents did!
It feels dishonoring to talk about ways I felt let down by them.
Valid feelings. We love our parents and want to respect them. (But I do find myself questioning: when has silence always equated respect? Why does a conversation have to be disrespectful? Also valid thoughts...)
Dan Allender said,
"The parents you have today might not be the same as the parent you had twenty years ago. They might be better, they might be worse."
In a recent lecture from Dan Allender he also said,
"Honor never exists outside of the truth. Honour cannot be in opposition to honesty. Can we honour what's true, with both the brokenness and the beauty?"
The reality is, the tension of both- there was goodness and moments of harm.
If we cannot tell the true story about what it was like to be 'me', we are stuck.
Our relationships are stuck.
Our healing is stagnant.
We cannot move forward without truth.
Can I invite you to look at those parts of yourself that feel nicely tucked away?
You have permission to remember those stories where you were let down, push aside, forgotten, or perhaps violated, destroyed, humiliated. Can you talk about those stories in a setting where there isn't blame, rather truly naming your experience; then from truth and facts, to enter into the grief and rage that you weren't allowed or able to feel at that time; in order to pave the way for true, deep forgiveness?
One cannot love well without truth. It births hope and redemption.
Truth does not create division (although it can feel disruptive), rather it is a path to bless and bring goodness.
What do you think about that?
Does it make you uncomfortable? Feel ridiculous? Long for more depth in your relationships? Hit reply and let me know. I'd love to hear how that sits with you.
Talk soon,
- Jen
